I was watching a series and there was a scene where a lady was groped in a bus. This scene disturbed me and an unsettling feeling stayed with me for almost a week. I was disturbed and had flashes of disturbing memories.
This should have happened when I was 10-11 years old, almost 35 years ago. I don’t remember the details but what I remember is, I was touched inappropriately by a man on the bus. After getting off the bus, I cried while walking back home. My younger brother asked me why I cried, and my mother silenced him and never enquired me about it (we 3 traveled together).
I am not sure whether she even understood what happened to me. As I mentioned, this happened 35yrs ago, but now and then this scene comes to my mind and haunts me. I wonder why my mother did not speak anything about it to me back then, why did she not educate me on how to handle such situations, why did she not advise me to retaliate against such behavior. I cannot blame her, maybe she was not aware of how to handle such a situation herself and she was clueless on how to guide me.
In another similar incident, when I was around 10-12 years old, I told my friend’s mother about an inappropriate touch in a shop. She blamed me for not wearing half saree (an attire similar to a saree), but for wearing a skirt and a top. The scar stayed with me. At that age, we feel ashamed to even share these incidents with our own friends.
Recently I heard about an incident through a friend. A middle-aged lady experienced sexual signals from a neighbor; he even touched himself inappropriately in front of her. When the lady spoke about this to her friend, she was advised to vacate the house to avoid the man. I wondered why the hell she should vacate the house for no fault of hers. The irony is – this lady started doubting herself whether any behavior of hers has made the man behave in this inappropriate way.
This is the way society has manipulated women and normalized certain things. It is just a momentary pleasure for these men, but it is a lifelong scar for the women. It creates self-doubt and questions one’s worth.
Who should be blamed, these men for their inappropriate behavior or the women who sweep the dirt under the carpet?
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Author
S Rekha
Founder and Chief Trainer of KalpaTharu Consulting. Into management training and consultation. Project Management is her forte. Have coached 500+ professionals on project management across the globe. She believes that she is in the process of self-discovery.
