When Daughters give birth to Fathers, it is not a birth story, it is a rebirth story.
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It was July 6, 2020. I called up my mom around 7 am to share something. The feeling was too new for me and exciting for her. Yes, it was about my conception of this little bundle. The same day was my Father’s birthday. I felt more of my dad coming back as we had lost him a year before.

To me, my dream of birth was always associated with the birth village (BV). Little did I know that it would come true then, as we were all new to this covid era.

[Flashback: I called Birth Village around May 2020 and asked if they would accept people from Coimbatore for birthing during these lockdowns and restrictions. Immediately the reply came, “how many weeks are you?”. I replied, “I’m planning to conceive”. With a funny little smile, the reply came,” by the time you get into birthing, we may not be in the same situation”.
It was so much important for me to birth at Birth Village than the birthing itself]

Eventually, my grandmother was falling sick and we couldn’t leave her alone. So I decided on birthing options in Coimbatore and found something similar to natural birthing at Coimbatore. And I was convinced to give birth there, giving away my dream of Birth Village. Yes, it was hard.

The routine checkups and my health went really well. I was convinced that my birth would be medication-free unless there is a need for intervention. But slowly things started changing. Close to 30 weeks, during a conversation, one of the hospital staff, not the doctor, intimidated me that she would see how I would shout, not being able to cope up with the labor. I was taken aback by the insensitive comment. Thinking of my 6th-week scan at a different clinic where the doctor didn’t get any consent to have the intrusive ultrasound but shamed and questioned my capability of having a vaginal birth. I compared this incident immediately and felt a little better. ( Comparing bad with worst and feeling good 😛)

My biggest fear about birth was Pelvic Examination (PV) perennial tear and membrane rupture before contractions. I decided to talk about these to my gynecologist in the belief of getting rid of the fear. I was told Pelvic Examination is mandatory and why resisting Pelvic Examination would hinder their process. It didn’t halt with that reply. The rest came very rudely. My reason for my fear was asked and shamed. Also told, reading birth stories or knowing more about birth and raising questions would never make me better. I was told to be open ironically closed to the doctor’s knowledge and limited to discuss beyond what felt comfortable to the doctor. Membrane Sweeping/Stripping was suggested as a routine procedure and not out of medical need. All I was told in the beginning was to wait until the full 40 weeks without unnecessary intervention. And I was told about the integrative approach before getting into medical induction if needed. None of that seemed to be true or happening after my 32 weeks. I felt deceived. I felt helpless.

In the middle of my pregnancy journey, sadly I had also lost my grandmother within whom I was also seeing my father. The loss felt constant and so the birth became more important than before. I decided to move to Kochi keeping everything else aside. I called up Birth Village again. Had an online appointment with Priyanka Idicula in my 33rd week. Meanwhile, in the consecutive checkups, the same doctor in my hometown was agreeing to wait for full-term without intervention unnecessarily. But I had already made up my mind for the dream birth.
I had been having practice pains since the 32nd week. On/Off Back pain was consistent every night. I was asked to slow down a little until I complete my 35 weeks by Priyanka. I followed her religiously. Also, I was having my regular check-up with the same hospital until I reached Kochi.

I went to Kochi by 37th week. I had told Priyanka about contractions on the way I was arriving in Kochi. The follow-up started immediately. I was asked to inform if the contractions were getting stronger or anything different. The team instilled a strong sense of belief. My midwife Ani, was always making sure of my HB, covid reports, baby’s position, etc. She was always available for clarifying and assisting any discomforts. I started feeling safe in the hands of the team. The classes by Priyanka, Reba Daniel, and Bincy educated about the technical aspects of healthy birth-giving ways to understand birth and beyond. This allowed us to make the vigilant choice of what could be needed at certain stages in labor and when intervention becomes necessary. They not just educated the mother but the father too. This helped me and my husband birth together.

My beautiful Priyanka, my midwife, had shared some beautiful insights into birthing every time I visited her. *When I complained to her of mid-night backaches disturbing my sleep, she told me, “Gowthami! You have to sleep through this pain. Do not set your threshold so low because birthing is still heavier. I want you to sleep through the early labor through the pain and get enough rest. So, practice now.”
*When talking about pain, she told me, “Pain is a positive sign. We are every step closer to the baby and this is what we want”.
*When I asked her if this could be labor, she told me, ” stay calm. The calmer you are, the sooner the labor is. The more you think it is not labor and divert your mind, the more you are going to be in labor”.

*When asked about Pelvic Examination fears, she said, ” Pelvic Examination is not mandatory. There are two ways of looking at it. Some people may either deny any intrusion or some people may be curious about how the progress is. Think and let me know of your choice” I immediately chose the second one. She became my dearest easily.

It was on March 5, 2021, at 4.30 am I felt immense pain and got up from sleep. I know it was the first surge. Believe it or not, Two years exactly before, at the exact same time I lost my father due to cardiac arrest. It took a while for me to calm down and get back to sleep. On March 6, 2021, I lost my mucus plug, and later in the day I had constant backache and the baby had descended a little. I informed Priyanka and Ani about this. I remember asking Priyanka in the middle of early labor asking if she would ever sleep as she was replying immediately to my messages anytime during the day or night.

On March 7 around 2 am, I felt the pain becoming more regular and intense. Yes, I was having contractions 20 mins once. Anxious me being the first time mother started timing contractions and sending screenshots to Priyanka. Priyanka asked me to stop focusing on the pain and sleep through the contractions and conserve energy. Around 11 am in the morning, my contractions were intense it was 4 mins apart lasting 1 minute. I reached out to the birthplace and Priyanka was readily available. My contractions suddenly fell irregular and I became a little calmer. This is the confidence a birthplace should give. Priyanka did Pelvic Examination.

She took my consent for Pelvic Examination. She took my consent to touch. She asked to stay with my husband nearby. She asked me to look into her eyes. She asked me to take a deep breath. The Pelvic Examination was easy and nothing similar to what I dreaded in fear of. I was hardly 1-2 cm dilated. The baby was monitored. Everything was normal. I was sent back home and asked to come when the contractions become more intense. She insisted that I get a good rest, eat well, mild exercise, and mainly not time my contractions. I, this time, followed her and didn’t time anything. I was not focusing on pain. My husband had been my constant support, massaging throughout the pain, took me for a small walk, climbing stairs and both of us had slept through the contractions. I tried using the birth ball a little. The major portion of my early labor was rest.

Around 9.30 pm I no longer felt the pain easily bearable and could feel my baby’s head had descended further. We immediately started to the birthplace and informed Priyanka. I carried my father’s photo along. I wasn’t able to walk to the labor room. But I refused the wheelchair and continued walking. My husband dropped me at the labor room and came down to take birthing things from the car. When he came back in 5 mins, he was jaw dropped. Unwalkable me was doing an NCC March past. 😛 Yes, it was Priyanka who again rewired my perception of pain.

She again did Pelvic Examination. I didn’t want to be sent home again. Though the pain was tough, it is nothing dramatic as shown in cinema. As I was well managing the contractions, I believed Priyanka would send me back home. When she said I was already 6-7 cm dilated and 80% effaced, I suddenly got the energy and I was proud of myself for coming this long easily. That boosted me.

I was telling Priyanka that I want to sleep even in active labor. She asked me to work out for an hour and sleep for some time. I leaned on my husband for exercising in active labor, he was holding my hand when I was working out, he climbed stairs with me, he gave me a hot compress, he sat by me, he talked with Me. His love was the only medicine I took throughout the pain. Then, I went to side-lying and sleep. She asked me to lift my legs during surges. There was a hypnobirthing track played on my phone with the gentle birth app provided by Birth Village. The app was extremely useful. I slept really well.

I started bleeding and progressing well. It should be around 12 am. I soon got the natural urge to push. The contractions became very frequent and should be 1min apart. Close to 2 hours, I had been pushing and also wanting to sleep ( blame it on the full rush of oxytocin with all the love I had been receiving) and yes I was sleeping. At one point, I felt dizzy. Priyanka suggested taking an IV if I felt low. I had dry fruits, juices, chocolates in plenty. I opted for an IV as I was still feeling low. IV didn’t help much though.

Now Priyanka did Pelvic Examination again. She again got my consent and it was reassuring even at such a stage in labor. I was 10cm and 100% effaced. The baby was doing good when tested. My water was still intact. Suddenly intensity of my contractions was falling down and lasting only less than 20 seconds. Now Priyanka came up with a new idea. To guide me in pushing, she kept her fingers and asked me to push them out during contractions. It really worked well. After few hours, my contractions were increasing and my water broke. I had been trying to push for a long time. She also asked me to try pushing in the toilet. She asked me to scream if I may want to let my body free doing so.

She used to repeat, “Labour is a fluid. Let it flow”. Around an hour late, My pushing urge was too much that I couldn’t resist anymore. Priyanka reminded me to come in a squatting position. I told her I would come after 2 contractions and slept between contractions 😛. All the while, the baby was also monitored effortlessly. My movement was never inhibited. After 2 contractions as I wished, came on my own to a squatting position, and while my husband was holding me, the baby came out in few seconds. I was given a hot compress to minimize tear (No episiotomy done). My husband revealed to me the baby’s gender. The full rush of happy hormones. No pain after the second of birthing.

To the emotional side of the birthing time, I had my father’s photo in the room. I felt extremely safe every time I look at his face. I was used to running to him during the tough times. Whatever the intensity or nature of the problem is, he used to comfort me saying, ” Vidu paathukalam. Enna aagirum”( Leave it. Nothing is gonna happen). That confidence and his presence were a booster to my energy level. No aromatic oils, decorative Birth rooms, or sounds could have equated the presence of my father’s energy in the labor room. The baby was born after 6 hours at the pushing stage. I felt extremely liberated and joyous. The labor was around 30 hours. The baby weighed 4kgs. There was a cord looped. These in no way halted the natural birthing. These were just all insignificant factors if u have the will. Most of all, I had no sign of tiredness after birth.

The Baby was put on to my chest the moment he was born. No second of separation. Right after the birth, he was right over me. He breast-crawled and fed on his own in the golden hour. The cord pulsated for a few mins. Nobody rushed to cut the cord. I was given a nice hot chocolate. After we had a nice time together, my baby’s cord was cut by my husband. We chose delayed bathing and gave the essential time for the vernix and the microbes to be absorbed by the body. ( The baby was bathed on the 10th day) My baby was wrapped in my father’s lungi as I wished for. When my sutures were done, my husband was holding the baby. I had the dearest Smitha assisting throughout the time I was at Birth Village. She helped me holding the baby, breastfeeding the baby, and gave me some nice tips. I and my husband felt an immediate closeness with everyone at Birth Village. Jinju at Birth Village was helping with prenatal and postnatal routines.

The next day, Bincy visited us home to help us with postpartum. Birth Village’s policy is simple. Mothers should get the deserved rest and they will travel to your home to help you out. How lovely!! Even after I reached Coimbatore, the team was always supportive. They didn’t abandon me at any point in time. Three months down the line, like a sister, Bincy is still assisting me throughout. She can talk to you about anything from breastfeeding, mother care, baby care to schooling, and any aspects of life. I repeat, she is a sister from another mother, not just to me but to any mother she knows. As a mother, I felt complete at Birth Village. Because I didn’t just give birth to my son, I rebirthed my Father.

The fragile me who had lost my father is recollecting my SELF, regaining hope. My father was complaining to me of chest pain and I rush to save him every time in my dream. After conception, I dreamed of him coming back in various ways. Two months before delivery he promised me of arriving again in two months in my dream. Post-delivery, I dream him of carrying my child. My father was my world and is continuing to be my world. I loved to keep away the intellect and believe I gave birth to my Father-Son. Birthing can heal you from within and take you to the path of peace. Birth Village gave me that birth experience and my entire family is indebted forever to Birth Village.
I couldn’t have had a happier birth anywhere else in the galaxy. Thanks for gifting my son on a women’s day morning, 2021.

BirthStory #Birthvillage #NaturalBirthing #BirthLiberates

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Author

Gowthami

The documentary producer of the famed ‘Arasiyal Arasiyar’ series of Kalaignar TV that brought Dravidian woman leaders to a wider audience, Gowthami is an IT engineer who completed Management studies at University of Glasgow’s Adam Smith Business School. A free thinker and Dravidian ally, she is an entrepreneur running a successful business as well.